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Tag: persistance

Tomorrow

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Tomorrow I’ll be back in the swing of things, and I’ll once again be posting regularly. I’ve moved and was without steady internet connection for a while. I have not abandoned this home I’ve made. I hope you, little reader, forgive me for my absence. There is still a place for you in my heart and in my words.

I have still kept my word that I’d put everything into this blog as well as into my artwork. Currently, I have an amazing air mattress (I’m not kidding, it’s amazing)! and a projector that serves as my TV. Honestly, it was a pretty cool idea.

My apartment is empty but my heart is full. When we rid ourselves of the “stuff” that was weighing us down, doors opened, literally and figuratively.

I don’t feel broke, or broken. I feel accomplished and confident knowing that when we need to, we can make our lives work. Making decisions that are scary can be liberating.

We had to sell our vehicle for a cheaper one. We don’t regret this decision, although it really stung to trade in a car that had just recently been paid off. Upon leaving the dealership we got pulled over and were warned that we had a brake light out. Needless to say, we were both pretty irked, as it was sold to us this way.

Freedom is indeed chaotic at times! All we have is each other now. We do have a good friend near. The three of us do our best to look out for each other.

Once settled, I’ll do my best to build again, one day at a time.

I’m excited to get back to volunteering with CrisisTextLine. It’s the one thing I’ve missed most while being “unplugged” for the good old internet. I missed putting my time into something that saves the world, I guess.

I know my latest posts have been conversational, and perhaps even a bit off the beaten path, but if you’re still with me, thank you so much for being here during this tumultuous and beautiful time. We’ll figure it out as we go. Tomorrow somewhere between 1-5, I’ll do my best to liven our humble corner of the internet up again.

I will always remember you, fellow bloggers, artists, wayfarers and dream chasers throughout the day, and hopefully keep you good company as I continue telling you stories of healing through written word.

I love you.

Welcome Home.

You’re safe here.

I am pretty peaceful these days.

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Nosedive

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I’m excited about what lies ahead. In a few weeks I’ll be starting over.

I’ve become comfortable with uncertainty; it’s even a bit thrilling. I’ve always known that nothing is certain, but this time I feel it on a soul level.

My motivation, and my stubbornness have carried me this far. Not only that, but my faith and absolute determination to not take no for an answer.

I’ve had to sell nearly every item in my house, publish a patreon, fight tooth and nail to not let greed get me down, forget that pride exists, and loosen my grip.

Nose diving into my life with reckless abandon isn’t so scary once you’re off the ledge.

I’m in awe at how I’ve surpassed myself and my expectations of myself as well.

But, a one-man-show is never a one-man-show. I could do nothing without the help of God and the people who have been there to catch me as I was free falling.

An invisible army is still an army.

Passion’s Redirection

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It breaks my heart when something I believed in, disappoints me in the biggest ways. Perhaps, you know this feeling too. At some point, we all do – mothers, wives, caretakers, musicians, scientists – wherever you fall on the continuum, you are appreciated. You are worthy of your purpose.

Your story does not have to end, nor does your soul wish to remain useless; it may just be time to trail off the beaten path, or simply take a break.

As a passionate person, I thrive on fighting for good. I thrive when other people are lifted up. While I acknowledge my ego’s existence, I genuinely love helping people.

As you may have predicted, this sometimes pigeonholes me. I am often put in a position for the world to devour me, without so much as giving my spirit back.

Things are looking up, however. I met a beautiful friend, named Katelynn:
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I was able to get rent paid, finally; this affords me more time to get all the details of everything together to see where the road takes me. Moving into a bigger state would be a better option for me, for a number of reasons, including better health care.

I’m looking forward to seeing where the wind takes me, and I hope to see you around.

I love you.
Welcome home.
You’re safe here.





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Elephantiasis is a thing I learned about.

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Good morning,

Whatever kind of morning you’re having, I appreciate you being here with me.

Ringing true to my word and promise to you, I took the leap – learned to fly, and recorded a thirty-minute video of my self talking both directly and indirectly about what personal Hells gave birth to Welcome Home Healing.

So if you’d like to watch, feel free to comment on this post; otherwise, if you don’t have thirty minutes to spare and are expecting perfection, I won’t waste your time.

I am both apprehensive and a bit embarrassed by it, because I’m aware that I can brush up on my speaking skills, and that being vulnerable, though noble and effective opens up doors that we sometimes don’t know we want to remain closed until the truth is already out there.

Additionally, I did post it to Facebook, because everyone’s pretending there. To me, it is too large a platform to be able to afford authentic feedback. I am fortunate to have you (writers, artists, philosophers, rant-spewing dual-awareness humans who may just be broke enough to be humble). – 🙂

That was a joke, by the way. Maybe not all of us are starving artists, but you get the gist.

There were snails on my door this morning.
I love you.

I’ll be posting poetry soon.



Forget the Numbers, Remember Your People.

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Most of us who are full-time artists are go-getters.

 

We’re ambitious. We’re talented. Some of us are perfectionists, and some of us are fueled by tangible results. We should be. It’s wise to pay attention to what propels us and to take note of what knocks us back a few spaces.

What about when we see nothing?

 

How do we respond when there’s little harvest yielded from the seeds we’ve sewn?

Perhaps it’s hard to remember that you don’t need to automatically measure your capacity and strengths by how many lives you’ve touched, or how many hearts you have (or seemingly have not) mended solely by the numbers you are presented with.

 

For entrepreneurs, self-starters, coaches, trainers, surgeons, volunteers, anyone who is driven by positive results, it can be hard to realize that numbers are only half the battle. Sometimes, we unconsciously wrap up our worth into the results given back to us.

 

The loud, the proud, the bold, all of us who will not be silent, can accidentally forget that because we are the voice of the voiceless, our audience, our dear friends, our readers, our students, are the quiet ones.

 

They matter most. We are fighting for them. We raise our voice for them, and they will, of course, not be the first in the room to clap, speak up, or reciprocate the verbal praise that we’ve extended to them.

 

But, their silence does not measure their level of gratitude.

God is also silent.

 

No amount of SEO, analytics, or traffic, can measure the gratitude someone feels in their heart when they feel truly heard, valued and recognized.


So, when you think about giving up your counseling career, your podcast, your book (for the umpteenth time) gently bring your attention to the quiet souls in your life. They are cheering you on. They need you, and their value can never be measured in numbers.

Keep going.
If not for you, for them.

I love you. You’ve got this. 

 

Welcome home.

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Faith? Faith.

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Making the decision to lose everything or live in ridicule is never a choice a human should have to make, even if they are ‘queer’.

I’m in a situation that I realize is far better than half of the universe. I’m not sleeping under a bridge, I’ve been able to pay my water and light bill, and I’m not starving.

To keep a long story short, I’ve applied to at least fifty or so jobs in the last 2 weeks, and I’ve heard nothing back.

My wife and I are basically left with nothing after years of anxiety-ridden days of having no choice but to coexist (interact?) with people who admittedly said they would never accept us.

Money was at stake, but eventually, it became blood money, and there was no way we could hide anymore.

I realize what we gave up. I realize that money leads to open doors, but I also will not sacrifice my soul for it. That’s essentially what we were asked to do. Hide, or be hidden.

Finding a job with a disability is excruciating. It is painful. If entrepreneurship were not a thing, I don’t know where we would be.

My wife took on three courier jobs, delivering food. She’s made thirteen dollars so far.
I am a volunteer for a crisis line, and I was hoping to find a job from home. I haven’t found anything yet.

So, I got a little bit creative and started this blog up again, which has proven to be emotionally fulfilling, and I’m genuinely happy to be here. I’m also hoping to start a podcast under the same name (welcomehomehealing).

I’ve got some school money to carry us through, but I can’t lie and say I’m not apprehensive about the future. But the funny thing is, I’m not scared even though I’m staring poverty in the face.

I’m no stranger to it. I’ve been here before. I’m only hurt because my wife deserves better. Helplessness (not being able to help those you love most) is far worse than empty pockets or the sting of betrayal.

At the same time, I’m at peace with where we are. We are free, though it came at a large price. I’ve made the decision to put my all into this blog; into all of my art, and not looking back. I’ve decided to grow wings from this time in our life, and I’m doing my best to be grateful for it.

I’m excited to tell you, the reader, stories about where we are, where we hope to be and walk with you on this journey. I am not afraid. I have spent far too long in fear.

***If you are transgender, gay, a person of color, or disabled, or if you face discrimination in any way, please know that your qualities that differentiate you from others are also the ones that make you beautiful, even though you don’t feel that way at this moment. If you suffer or have suffered at the hands of a loved one, my heart is forever with you.***

I love you. There is a place for you. If nothing else, please feel free to take comfort and find a home in this blog. This is why I affectionately named it “Welcome Home” or “welcomehomehealing”.

Please, if you are reading this, no matter who you are or where you are, don’t lose sight of who you are. Don’t ever give up. Life has so much in store for both of us.

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